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Castiel- Supernatural- Light
today was a day.
it started out a tuesday. very normal. i had the apartment to myself in the morning. i dressed up pretty nice and went to school. i took notes in class. i giggled with my friends. i turned in a report. i secretly wrote on my Supernatural fic in my boring government class. i rocked to my cds and headed back to my parents house for the rest of the day, like normal.
but when i got home, it stopped being a tuesday.
when i got home i didn't work my butt off on finishing my presentation for art history that i'm supposed to do tomorrow. i didn't type up my next chapter. i didn't go to the gym like i planned. i didn't curl up and get some reading done.
because when i got home my parents were home, my younger sisters weren't at school and my oldest sister who lives in another city was home too.
my grandmother died this morning.
she'd gone through hell this year. she had congestive heart failure almost a year ago. she stayed at a rehabilitation center. she lived with my aunt and uncle for several months. she switched nursing homes three times and went to the hospital three times as well. her mental facilities were failing due to her alzheimers and schizophrenia. she never forgot us. she loved us through it all. she died peacefully.
it comforts me that she is no longer in this agony. that she is no longer in pain or losing her mind. it comforts me that my mother won't have to carry this enormous strain of beign her mother's life raft, the one she called everytime she felt insecure or unsafe or uncomfortable.
but i miss her. i miss her so much.
she was the last grandparent i had left and the one i had been closest to by far.
i was 6 or 7 when Grandpa died. i barely knew him but i loved him. i was 10 when Grandpa Tom died. a man who lived several states away and that i met only once when i was four. i lost Grandma 3 years ago. she'd had a stroke though and we knew she was leaving quickly. we all grasped how soon it was when we took her off of life support (per her wishes). i miss her dearly but it was a great deal more gradual. i cried when we turned off of life support and then i didn't cry again for three months.
but Grammy, Grammy i stayed with when Taz and Phoenix were already and school and Mama was taking care of baby Toby. Grammy i spent hours playing monopoly and watching vhs s with. grammy encouraged my love of art. grammy who i would do crosswords with and just talk for hours. it was at grammy's when i small that when my parents came to pick me up, i would hide under her coffee table because i didn't want to leave. she let me set up my own little office under her staircase. grammy who made me a special chocolate treat and taught me cardgames. as one of her five granddaughters she loved us each dearly and intimiately.
i couldn't stop crying for an hour after i found out. and anohter 40 minutes at the visitation.
she didn't look like herself then. her face was too narrow and her moth pursed wrong. what was most wrong about the image was her eyes. grammy had these dark, intense almost beady eyes that saw and calculated everything and they were shut. something about this just seemed wrong to me.
i can't believe she is gone.
i just never realized that things were getting so bad. i last saw her a week and a half ago. she was talking about people that didn't exist that she said she worked with but when she saw me, her eyes lit up. she knew me instantly and was so glad i was there. she never forgot us and for this i am immensely grateful for.
we gathered as a family, all ten of us together. me, my parents, sister, uncle and aunts. we reminensced. til it was all seven of my immediate family. my dad took my mom out before she went to bed exhausted. and taz, phoe, toby, jack and i went to the local chilis and remembered the goodtimes, made plans for the future and generally kept each others minds off things.
i am not in a good state, i kept sneaking off all day to cry so i wouldn't get everyone else started again, so now my eyes feel dehydrated though i'm sure the tears are not done.
i know it'll be awhile til i get past this. what makes this hard is tomorrow i have two big presentations i am supposed to do. my prediction if i get up and start i will be very shaky-voiced unfocused, and cry cuz i suddenly remember something she said and then the whole class will be like: dude, austrailian art is not that sad! stop crying!
i just hope the teachers will be lenient on me and maybe i can present another day when i am not such an emotional basket case.
i am looking forward to Drawing II. when i get started in there i start focussing on the pastel and the color and the shadows and getting the right value and on the music and one making the piece look as good as possible that time drifts by.

yeah, this has been a ramble post. i just have all of these things i've been thinking and had to say soemwhere where none of my family can be all "yes, we have feelings too, quit exploiting yours for comments and sympathy". i am not posting for sympathy. i am posting because i need these feelings out and writing is the best outlet for that.
so thank you for letting me do that.

p.s. if you are the praying type please pray for me and my family, this is very tough on us all. 
13th-Apr-2011 11:21 pm - Writer's Block: Making a better day
Ned and Chuck- Pushing Daisies- Stay Lik
If you were given one magic wish to improve the world, for what would you wish?

not to sound all hokey and all but it'd be great if all prejudices disappeared.
a lot of things would be a lot simpler.
and a lovely ripple effect would occur as a result.
yep my wish to improve the worl would be to make every sort of prejudice to go poof.
that'd be nice.
24th-Mar-2011 05:44 am - Writer's Block: It must be love
Kate and Emmett- None- *sigh*
Do you remember your first crush? Did you ever tell that person about your feelings?

ah yes.
Garrett in second grade.
He saved me from the lava monster on the slide athe playground. -sigh-
he was a cutey pie.
i named a Tommy doll after him.
Valerie and Peter- Red Riding Hood- Love
So. Spring Break. Crazy Busy Business.
and i've been busy before Spring Break even started.

To start things off, Sully died the monday before spring break. transmission and crack!monkey ways. and now it costs more than he is worth to fix him. We had a great run. he was a senile crack!monkey with more little issues than I can count but i was still very fond of him.
Now Taz is looking for a new car she'll help pay for with my parents and I will get her car, Sulu. I am going to rename it when i get him. this i can tell. for one, he seems like a girl. i'll have to wait til i am driving it around but i am thinking of renaming it Mabs, Mike, or Rollo. not sure.
so that is awesome.
fortunately, Mama and Taz were in Colorodo for most of last week which was great for them and convenient in that i could use Mama's car to get around.
and i showed it to my parents. Papa asked if we were doing drugs.
haha. i watch it for the hot hot irish boys.
and my backpack broke. the pocket i keep my wallet, medicine and lunch in won't zip anymore. wah.
so i got a new one. it is so cute. happy flowers. and i totally ran into my Taz's crush while getting it. and he is a very very tall and pretty boy. sot hat was fun.
and i learned how to make earings and made a set of key earrings for me and phoenix. and she loves them. yay.

i have been strangely headachey all week. just in waves with loads of nausea. it is as you might think, awesome.

and there is a vast number of good movies out right now. and i have seen a lot of them. I am Number Four (HOT ALIEN BOY!), Gnomeo and Juliet (ADORABLE JAMES MCAVOY!), Beastly (HOT VOICE BOY AND INCREDIBLY ADORABLE SARCASTIC BLIND GUY!), Adjustment Bureau (AWESOME AWESOME PLOT! LOVE!), and Red Riding Hood (FOUR INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE GUYS RUNNING AROUND WITH A SURPRISE ENDING! WOO!). and i would've seen Rango with Sam but my cheapo movie theater is retarded. the tickets may be 2.75 before 6 but sometimes you don't get to see the movie. or it's fuzzy. or the power goes out. or the sound is off. oh well. CHEAPO MOVIE THEATER! WOOO!

when i couldn't see Rango with Sam i took him back to the apartment and we watched GI Joe. i actually really thoroughly enjoy that movie. and Snake Eyes. love him. and the actor that played him, Ray Park. Whom I've met. Twice.

and in the time mama was gone last week i actually spent a lot of time back home with apap for when toby and jack are gone a lot at school and stuff. and i cooked dinner pretty much every night. except on the weekend. after seeing beastly, papa took us out to Chili's. which was tasty and much fun. 
and i LOVE Adjustment Bureau. i loved the concepts and how sweet and devoted he was to her. i want a guy who would do ANYthing for me. so sweet. after that i had to rewatch all three Bourne movies because i had only seen 'em once.
and Phoe and Papa and i tried to watch Dark Knight about 3 times but kept geting busy. oh well. we will have to find time.

then Wednesday and Thursday was pretty fun. Phoenix, Taz and I went back home and had a big funapalooza with Jack and Toby. we watched oodles and oodles of Julian Smith and Tobuscus and then went and took many fun pictures. and made pizza. well i made the pizza but it was very tasty. then we all spent the night and phoenix, jacquerie and I wnet and saw Red Riding Hood (FINALLY! AND AT LAST!) cuz Taz and Toby had things they had to do.
so maybe RRH is not the epitome of acheivment in film but i still thoroughly enjoyed it. it kept even me guessing the whole time and drooling. cuz well 4 guys were attractive. Max Irons- Henry, Shiloh Fernandez- Peter, Michael Shanks- Adrian Lazar, and Billy Burke- Cesaire. oh well if two of 'em died. DON'T CARE! HOT HOT HOT! gosh am i jsut a little boy crazy. my eyes kinda went out of my head the first time i saw Michael Shanks was gonna be in it. cuz he is Daniel Jackson and I love him. and met him too. i may not have known who/how amazing he was at the time but gosh dangit i saw him! and i have been highly anticpating this movie since November. so happy to see it.

and then a friend since 5th grade came over on friday, played video games and i kinda got him hooked on Grey's Anatomy. SCORE!

and i have been working like crazy on a few school projects. finished my Art History Museum Analysis and now i have to put my back into finishing my English research paper by tomorrow. oh well i am pretty far. procrastinating sucks kiddos.
i did get my score for my last History exam and i totally got a 93! SCORE! 6 points higher than last tiem and i got the highest score last ime. so happy bout that.
and last night phoenix and i went back home to watch the last episode we had of fringe. and oh my gosh! i HATE cliffhangers. finally something good happens and they have to spoil it with dumb!!! then Taz came over and phoe and i went and got stuff for root beer floats/sundaes. TASTY! yay impromptu family thingys! and then we all stayed up til midnight talking. which was exceptionally strange since mama and taz are normally in bed by ten. WEIRD! but fun.

now i need to stop updating and reading grey's anatomy fanfictions! i need to work!
quit distracting me people.

hee hee. see ya later. 
Eames- Inception- Hot Smirky Bastard
HotD: Norman Reedus (Murphy MacManus from Boondock Saints 1 and 2)

i have been a busy busy chick.
most of it has been good but i have just been so out of my mind busy.
a lot of it has come from the fact that after spring break (which is this next week, thank god) i have two papers and one presentation due and a test to boot.
so i have been spending copious amounts of time at college doing research and writing and crap.
Mr. Flippers has picked, as usual, a perfect time to crash.
Sully is also joining Mr. Flippers in the crack!family graveyard because his transmission died or something on Monday. in the middle of the street. yeah. it was as awesome as it sounds. i was backing into the driveway all in the way when i switched gears and he made a mighty crackle roar and promptly stopped. it took Phoenix, crazy neighbor and calling in my mom to get it out of the street. not good.

there has been happy times though. last Thursday Phoenix and I spent the night at Taz's and i went to class with Phoe (pronounced Fee) in the morning of Friday and then the three of us went out to eat and them promptly watched both Boondock Saints (which they had both already seen) and i squeeded my little head off. they are some bloody hot Irish men. i want one. preferably Murphy. though Connor is nice too. heck I'd take both. but Murph is my favorite. YUM!
and then we ate more yummy food and Taz showed us Igor which was thoroughly amusing. Then we watched the Sean Patrick Flannery scenes of Simply Irresistible which while great in concept not the best movie and terribly 90s featuring Buffy trying to pretend she's not Buffy, a black guy trying to pretend he's not black and Sean Patrick Flannery being adorable. I do love the movie and have loved it for years despite all of the cheese. yeah i mainly watch it for SPF but i still love it.
over all we had a fabulous time. i have since rewatched Boondock Saints 1 about four times. and ordered it. and Boondock saints 2. i am hooked. i love it.

Also i have discovered i take good notes and people actually want my notes. which is new for me.

and the next few days will be strange.
Mama is with Taz in Colorado and considering how much i go home and hang with my mom and dad throughout the week it will be strange.
but we'll keep in touch.

i have also been writing like mad a new Inception fic which ironically i never intended to write. it is Eames/OC and i had meant for it to be Arthur/OC but i got swarmed by plot bunnies. i am loving it though.

i am also rereading the Dragon Prince series by Melanie Rawn. i think i last read it when i was 12. and boy am i shocked. it is a thoroughly adult novel and i don't remember a lot of what is going on. there is definitely sexuality, plagues, drugs, people being burned alive, and rape. awesome. its still a great book but very very adult and i am so shocked i was not scarred for life when i first read it. i get the feeling i had no idea what i was reading and just kept on.
it is very good.

now i have resumed marathoning Star Trek: Next Generation and i love it. there was a really sweet Troi/Riker episode and i fluffing loved it. eeep so much love.

i've also been waiting for my florence and the machine cd to come for about 2 weeks. i want it!

oooh i am hungry and there's no eating in the computer lab.
see ya peeps!

8th-Mar-2011 08:09 am - Writer's Block: Toys in the attic
Guy of Gisbourne- Robin Hood BBC- hot
Did you have a favorite toy as a child that you took with you everywhere? If so, what was it and what happened to it?

it was a variation of a cabbage patch doll. more like a cabbage patch baby. it had a soft body dressed in a light purple generic baby onsie but a hard, cold face.
i got it on my first birthday and in the originality of a small person named it Purple Baby. except i had a speech problem as a kid and pronounced it Puh-pull baby. yes i got teased like a mad thing.
i took it everywhere. its face would get so cold and as a kid i was obsessed with the cold. i ate ice cubes and would stick things like chocolate in the fridge cuz i thought a lot of things would taste better cold. so i loved that it had a cold face.
it had a scuplted face but drawn on eyes. the eyes faded by the time i was 7 and i freaked out at my mother's attempts to draw on new ones. she is now in my memory box with a companion cabbage patch baby of pink and green that i named America. cuz i thought it was such a pretty and original name that no one else could possibly think to name anything America.
20th-Feb-2011 09:52 pm(no subject)
Guy of Gisbourne- Robin Hood BBC- hot
yep i am a bad bad person.

so i've been super busy the last few months. so much has happened and so much i can't even start to get into.
so here's some highlights.
at the end of december me and the sisters spent the night at Taz's and had a Brideathon. we watched wedding movies, looked up our favorite wedding photographers, went to david's bridal (where taz's roommate worked) and tried on bridesmaid dresses that we each picked out for our dream weddings. we also scoped out wedding and engagement rings. it was a fun girly time.
and i had a nice long winter break. it was awesome.

oh and Luke was on leave! Luke is pretty much my older brother. he is a great friend, closest to phoenix but taz's age. i love him to little tiny pieces and he means so much to me. he is a soldier and has been to afghanistan and is goign to iraq this spring/summer.......EEEEEP!
But he was on leave for a bit so phoe and i got to chill with him and work on the book they are writing (which is AWESOME). we also introduced him to Babylon 5. which is epic (and in response i marathoned through 4 season in a couple weeks). true he made me cry when we saw him off at the airport but i was so glad of the time we got to spend with him.

this semester is different.
still good but different. as opposed to last semester i'm only taking one lab art class but it's still intense. luckily most of the people from last semester again.

in adition to drawing 2 i've got english 2, govt 1 and hist 1 and art history 1. my art history and drawing 2 professor is the same and i like her. my history teach is good. she purely lectures and put most of the class to sleep but i really like her. she is funny. my english prof however thinks she is teaching the Crisis of Education in America. and is educating that on that instead of english.....oh well.

and she makes my government professor look credible and competent. my govt teach is an incompetent moron. he mispronounces a lot: our names, "people", "population", "colonial", "issue" and many more. he is also mildly insulting. and he thinks he is better than all of us and acts like we are idiots for asking questions. BLAH!

i also had three tests last week with 2 getting postponed a day. so art history, history, and govt all in one week. got a 92 on govt despite him never goign over what's gonna be on the test (thank you Google for having the answers). no clue what i made on the others but my head is full of loads of facts cuz of em. like the names and order of Henry the 8th 6 wives or when the three Great Pyramids of Gizeh were buitl.

anyways... a week or two back we had a nice break. as texans are used to snow maybe once a year and having it melt in the air having ice and snow on the ground freaked everyone out and school was closed 4 days in a row and then once more the next week.
it was insane.
so phoenix and i were alone for a few days. and we didn't have hot water for 4 days. which, ya know, rocked. i read like a book a day (namely Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instruments again cuz i LOVE them) i also watched Return of the King which was fun. and did a puzzle with phoe. and went through my bookshelves. and when we went out to Half Price books i sold 35 books and got 20 bucks. and ran into Mama, Toby, and Jack which was ironic and fun.
Sully also spent some time in the shop to get his blower fixed so i could actually use the defrost which really helped.
and i read Kristin Cashore's Fire. which i think i may have loved more than i loved Graceling. and I loved Graceling.
i also read Beastly and can tell from here that despite how attractive Alex Pettyfer and witty Neil Patrick Harris is, the movie is going to suck. oh well.

and i revitalized my book. i was planning on a trilogy and now its a three part saga (The Immortal Wars Saga) with three trilogies (Reckoning, Uprising, and Halfling). and i thought i lost my revamped edits and was about to shoot myself when HUZZAH i found it! working away happily now. and making placeholder book covers for my central trilogy Uprising (Reckoning's a prequel and Halfling's the sequel cycle) yay. if you'd care to hear more. let me know.

and Taz got a boyfriend and he was sweet and happy. and then the jerk dumped her. BOOCHER! so we spent the last weekend on Operation: Occupy Fantasia by going shopping, acquiring wine and Ben & Jerry's, shopping Old Navy, chilling at Barnes and Noble, eating out at Chili's and generally being there. luckily her favorite author was in town yesterday so she and papa went to meet him and this guy Taz liked long before she dated the lying jerk was there unexpectedly and oh so sweetly. we now love him.

i also went to a con and met some fabulous sci-fi ladies. and i started watching Battlestar Galactica. hot and awesome show right there.
i also finally got my parents on the Grey's Anatomy Bandwagon. yay.

oh and i've watched Inception 3 more times cuz i am just that addicted.
and i finally bought the Florence and the Machine CD. cuz even though i've got half the album i need it all. i love her voice.

hee hee.

okay talk to me peeps!
25th-Dec-2010 11:41 pm - ...and to all a good night!
Valerie- Red Riding Hood- Red Winter Glo
Husband of the Day: McSteamy

it's been a busy few weeks. but christmas was lovely. all of us seven together and taz's roommate even spent the mornign with us.
it was lovely.
and i had my own christmas miracle. last night at my mother's side fo the family's christmas celebration, i kinda began to be crushed by a monster migraine. i was nauseous. and i couldn't think straight. i went to bed before nine for goodness sakes!!!!
but wehn i woke up, my headache was a none, i wasn't filled with the compulsion to releive my stomach of it's contents.
i was fine.
i ate our christmas chick-fil-a chicken nuggets. i ate the chips and ranch dip we never get. i ate my special cheesecake cookies i have been saving for a week or more.
i got to open presents. i had fun with my sisters. i laughed my butt off at whose line is it anyway?
i had a great christmas.
and well...i got some awesome presents.
christmas isn't about presents.
but to be honest, they really don't suck. i love presents.
i got some good stuff. but the best by far were three seasons of grey's anatomy and inception. finally and at last!!!!
i have been jonesing for inception. seriously.
and grey's anatomy. i have watched season one about 7 times. so i am so happy. and mcsteamy. oooooooo. i finally own mcsteamy!!! i love him.
and my dad. i love my father. he has this movie collection. 1,600 movies and season. oh my gosh.
and he lets us sisters pick some movies from his own collection. every years. it is his christmas tradition. and it is so unbeleivably sweet.
now i have my kitties in my room and grey's anatomy in the dvd player and me under the covers. it is lovely.

so what did all of you guys do for christmas?
no, seriously. i care. what did you guys do?
how are you?

yuletide greetings,
9th-Dec-2010 11:19 am - meanwhile in busyville....
Mark Sloan- Grey's Anatomy- McSteamy
Husbands of the Day: Marc Blucas, Eric Dane, Gerard Butler, and Wedge Antilles

^marc blucas^

^eric dane^

^gerard butler^

wow it has been forever since i updated. sorry bout that.
well as of about about 40 minutes ago, this semester is over!!! WIN!
took my last math test this morning. please cross your fingers and pray that i passed. i hate math. i really hope i'm done. i know i passed three of my classes but not sure about english or math. i hope so. i really do.

so i did finish showing my dad all six of the first harry potter movies. he enjoyed them. and he actually had never seen Half Blood Prince. the rest he had. now tonight us sisters (minus poor working phoenix) are going to take mama and papa to see deathly hallows part one. woo hoo.
last night was fun too, mama, papa and i went over to taz's place and watched castle. woot. we're in season 2 watching ones we haven't seen. and apparently marc blucas was on one and i had absolutely no idea. hot. i love that man. he is adorable. and the character was so sweet. i want one.

i have also since rewatched my first and only season of grey's anatomy all over again. i need more seasons. i need mcsteamy. gah. and i have started showing it to phoenix. she likes mcdreamy of course cuz she always goes for the protaganist. it's adorable. i mean she's learned a lot of what happens in later seasons but she is still enjoying the show. i think she likes george. in an adorable little brother way but she is always talking about him and saying poor george while we are watching. it's cute.
i've also decided that i am izzie, phoe is more like cristina and taz is more like meredith but phoe should get mcdreamy so she is meredith. taz likes cristina better anyway so whatev. i am izzie cuz i would totally get connected to my patients and i like to cook, bake, nest and make friends. i'm not a model but oh well.
there we go.

and friday i am getting together with my friends which i am very excited about. it took a lot of work and sacrifice on my part to orchestrate it with all of my friends tempermental schedules but i got it done. sadly it means i don't get to see the voyage of the dawn treader then with my fam which makes me very very sad. but we will have to reschedule again. wah.

phoe hasn't been around much this week. she has been crazy stressed about school and finals. so she's often either at work, school, the school library or shut up in her room. which makes me le sad cuz i am done with all my stuff and just wanting to chill.
so i went out christmas shopping down near where all my friends live. happily one of my friends was able to join me so i didn't have to shop alone. which i don't like to do.

it was my last day of design on tuesday and i was very sad to leave. so i brought sugar cookies and they were nom'd. because they were made of tasty. i also finally finished my self-portrait in acryllic paint for my final design project. it is sooooo cool looking. i have multi-colored hair in it which looks fabulous. i love it so much.

 in other news gerard butler is attractive. but it is hard to study math when he is serenading you in your head.

and star wars rocks. like seriously. my parents met cuz of it and has wowed me since childhood. and it still rocks. i love wedge. he has been my fav guy in that since i was little. he actually instigated the Wedge Reflex phenomenon since childhood which has affected my taste in men. more on that later though. but he rocks. and he lives through all three originals. he is teh shiznet and i love him. 

and i want inception. like so bad. sadly i have to wait til christmas. wah!!!!!!

and i did do black friday at an awesome movie store. lots a good movies for two bucks. wawoo. i did have to get up at 2:40 and go 8 hours without much food besides gum but it was worth it. i also inherited my dad's dvd player because mine was the oldest one we own and was therefore senile and on crack. my dad got a new big tv and a blu-ray player so he didn't need his anymore. yay.

okay can't think of much else to say. hopefully i'll post again soon.

May the Force Be With You
22nd-Nov-2010 12:10 am - Red Riding Hood (2011) Icons
Guy of Gisbourne- Robin Hood BBC- hot
behold a new batch of icons i just made for my new obsession- Red Riding Hood 2011. i can NOT wait til march to see it. it looks great. hot. and very visually pretty.

so here are my icons so far for it.
i am obsessed.

01 02 
05 06
07 08 

i have no problems with you using them but you must credit me: emily_sky or Fin.

now make me happy and tell me what you think.
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